Well, who would have thought that I’d be writing this blog while my mother still hangs on to life? If you’d told me that we’d still be dealing with this, I certainly wouldn’t have believed it. Among other things, this experience has reminded (and continues to remind) me about how little I can control in life, particularly when we’re talking about anyone else’s life but mine. It also reminds me that my experiences only qualify me to have more compassion towards others, not to become more judgmental about them.
I have been through a wide range of emotions in the last week and a half, and it’s not done yet. Some of them I have expected: sadness, loss, some fear as I contemplate my own morality, and even a hint of gratitude that my mother is not suffering in her last days. But then there are the unexpected and uncomfortable feelings (and I include these because I suspect that all people who go through difficult or trying times will experience some feelings that they don’t want or that they believe are inappropriate to the situation.): frustration that the process is dragging out in a way that doesn’t seem useful for anyone, anger that I have to put aside important things in my own life to accommodate her, exhaustion and boredom at sitting around waiting for something to happen,; and all of this is sometimes covered over with a kind of “gallows humor.” Some things are incredibly funny in the face of death and mortality – go figure!
I know that there will be more feelings that will emerge after Mom dies, but I’m learning that I can’t predict with any certainty which emotions I will have, and how they will manifest in me. Healthy Liberal Christianity does not exclude any of these feelings. It simply gives me a framework out of which to understand, and if not understand, at least to embrace my emotional experiences. Sometimes people believe that if they have enough faith, they will be able to avoid some of those unexpected and uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes people try to be helpful to one another by telling them “Don’t feel that way.” What is intended as support often comes across as a judgment: “If you were really a person of faith, you wouldn’t feel like that!” That kind of judgment can be aimed at oneself as well.
My hope throughout is that I can be authentic and not discredit whatever is true on the inside. My further hope is that I can support the authentic experiences of others, too. Jesus said that he came so that we could have life, and have it abundantly. Being able to experience all of your feelings without guilt or shame is part of that abundance.
Wayne Gustafson
“Never place a period where God has placed a comma.” – Gracie Allen
The United Church___of Christ
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Life’s Final Earthly Chapter for My Mother (still being written)
Well, it’s Wednesday and I’m sitting in a hospital room in Kalamazoo, Michigan where my mother is nearing the end of her almost 89 years of life. Let me say first of all, that being in this situation as a son is entirely different than any of the times I’ve been “here” as a minister. Still, Healthy Liberal Christianity is not of much value if it is not useful at times like these.
So please indulge me as I reflect on this particular son’s experience.
I’ve been washed over with waves of amazement that this little woman lying in a hospital bed, having lost the power of most movement and speech, actually brought my brother and me into this world. What a miracle! I call it a miracle even though such things happen all the time. I’ve also been celebrating how many people she touched in her life with her musical talent. She retired from her career as a church organist and choir director less than four years ago – when she turned 85! She was a talented musician, but in my estimation, her greatest gift was her ability to help small, untrained choirs – adults and children alike – to sing beautifully. She created participants in music, not spectators. This, too, is miraculous.
I’m reminded that life doesn’t have to be the result of some supernatural intervention to be totally miraculous. Life itself is miraculous. It is a miracle that we are here, that she and I share memories that span more than sixty-two years, that she had a life, a purpose, relationships, talents, and meaningful experiences before I even existed.
(Just in case you’re thinking that I’m making this experience be all about me, well, I am because I can’t do anything else. You see, I actually don’t have direct knowledge of anyone else’s experience beyond what they tell me. And, besides, this is my blog, after all!)
As I see it, it’s a miracle to learn that life is not just about me. I’m not even the main character. While that statement may seem like just another example of how I have “a firm grasp on the obvious,” remember that we all have a front row seat only for our own life experience, so I cannot assume that anyone else experiences life exactly the way I do. I believe this humble statement to be one of the foundational elements of any “liberal” perspective: that I am neither qualified nor authorized to assume understanding of the experiences of others. And, therefore, I am in no position to judge the validity or “righteousness” of someone else’s experience. I can walk with them, learn from them, and perhaps help them find a way to talk about their unique experience, but that’s about as far as I can go.
Back to where I am today. I spent last night with my brother and niece in Mom’s hospital room listening to her breathing. I would doze off and then awaken abruptly when the sound would change. I have been hoping and praying that her death would come quickly, but I am reminded for the gazillionth time that birth, life, and death tend to have their own timing, and I have no right to demand that things happen for my convenience.
I can see that she is getting ready. She has always held onto life with astounding tenacity. She’s a fighter, and this sacred ending of her life will be no different. She will do it her way as much as she can. Still, it brings up all kinds of strange feelings in me when I pray for her death to be quick and easy and at the same time wanting to honor how much she has always valued life. I get it that she needs to do it her way and according to her own timing.
Tender moments are happening frequently during this vigil. This afternoon, I returned from a much needed nap at my brother’s house to find the whole family in tears. My niece had just said “good-bye” to her grandmother and was about to return to her home because she has to work tomorrow. Everyone in the room was moved by the beauty of the moment. We are all truly part of one another’s experience here.
A short time ago, I read a couple of Psalms to Mom (with quaky voice and eyes blurred with tears). It’s always meaningful when I read Psalm 23 or 139 in worship or at someone’s funeral, but let me tell you, when you read those words to your dying mother, they take on a totally new depth of meaning. Every time I recite those Psalms in the future, I will remember this moment.
Everything is sacred about this time here in the hospital: the tears, the hugs, the incredible eye contact my mother is able to have with us from time to time, the uneasy naps, the hospital food, the knowing glances that pass between family members, and the many ways that we support my mother and one another.
You may be wondering what all this has to do with Healthy Liberal Christianity. First of all, openness to the unique paths and experiences of the individual is normative for this “healthy” brand of religion. It is not necessary to force people into using particular words or symbols to talk about their spiritual experiences. Life experiences are more like experiments than tests. When we listen deeply and respectfully to one other, we all have improved opportunity to deepen our own spiritual lives and understanding. This is good in and of itself.
But what about the “Christian” part? I believe that Liberal Christianity listens carefully to Jesus and puts his words into the context of his life and ministry. He taught us not to worry about our acceptability to God. Rather, we can be encouraged by that incomprehensible Love to face life’s challenges and to live lives of compassion that are not restricted by unnecessary anxiety.
My mother has been anxious a lot in her life, and I understand where a lot of that has emanated from. But, as I watch her sink into the end stages of life, preparing to embrace death, my faith in eternal Love is bolstered.
I pray not only that her passing can be untroubled, but that I can learn from her example. I’ll need it someday when my own transition comes.
Thanks in advance for your prayers,
Wayne
“No matter who you are or where you are in life’s journey, you’re welcome here.”
The United Church___of Christ
So please indulge me as I reflect on this particular son’s experience.
I’ve been washed over with waves of amazement that this little woman lying in a hospital bed, having lost the power of most movement and speech, actually brought my brother and me into this world. What a miracle! I call it a miracle even though such things happen all the time. I’ve also been celebrating how many people she touched in her life with her musical talent. She retired from her career as a church organist and choir director less than four years ago – when she turned 85! She was a talented musician, but in my estimation, her greatest gift was her ability to help small, untrained choirs – adults and children alike – to sing beautifully. She created participants in music, not spectators. This, too, is miraculous.
I’m reminded that life doesn’t have to be the result of some supernatural intervention to be totally miraculous. Life itself is miraculous. It is a miracle that we are here, that she and I share memories that span more than sixty-two years, that she had a life, a purpose, relationships, talents, and meaningful experiences before I even existed.
(Just in case you’re thinking that I’m making this experience be all about me, well, I am because I can’t do anything else. You see, I actually don’t have direct knowledge of anyone else’s experience beyond what they tell me. And, besides, this is my blog, after all!)
As I see it, it’s a miracle to learn that life is not just about me. I’m not even the main character. While that statement may seem like just another example of how I have “a firm grasp on the obvious,” remember that we all have a front row seat only for our own life experience, so I cannot assume that anyone else experiences life exactly the way I do. I believe this humble statement to be one of the foundational elements of any “liberal” perspective: that I am neither qualified nor authorized to assume understanding of the experiences of others. And, therefore, I am in no position to judge the validity or “righteousness” of someone else’s experience. I can walk with them, learn from them, and perhaps help them find a way to talk about their unique experience, but that’s about as far as I can go.
Back to where I am today. I spent last night with my brother and niece in Mom’s hospital room listening to her breathing. I would doze off and then awaken abruptly when the sound would change. I have been hoping and praying that her death would come quickly, but I am reminded for the gazillionth time that birth, life, and death tend to have their own timing, and I have no right to demand that things happen for my convenience.
I can see that she is getting ready. She has always held onto life with astounding tenacity. She’s a fighter, and this sacred ending of her life will be no different. She will do it her way as much as she can. Still, it brings up all kinds of strange feelings in me when I pray for her death to be quick and easy and at the same time wanting to honor how much she has always valued life. I get it that she needs to do it her way and according to her own timing.
Tender moments are happening frequently during this vigil. This afternoon, I returned from a much needed nap at my brother’s house to find the whole family in tears. My niece had just said “good-bye” to her grandmother and was about to return to her home because she has to work tomorrow. Everyone in the room was moved by the beauty of the moment. We are all truly part of one another’s experience here.
A short time ago, I read a couple of Psalms to Mom (with quaky voice and eyes blurred with tears). It’s always meaningful when I read Psalm 23 or 139 in worship or at someone’s funeral, but let me tell you, when you read those words to your dying mother, they take on a totally new depth of meaning. Every time I recite those Psalms in the future, I will remember this moment.
Everything is sacred about this time here in the hospital: the tears, the hugs, the incredible eye contact my mother is able to have with us from time to time, the uneasy naps, the hospital food, the knowing glances that pass between family members, and the many ways that we support my mother and one another.
You may be wondering what all this has to do with Healthy Liberal Christianity. First of all, openness to the unique paths and experiences of the individual is normative for this “healthy” brand of religion. It is not necessary to force people into using particular words or symbols to talk about their spiritual experiences. Life experiences are more like experiments than tests. When we listen deeply and respectfully to one other, we all have improved opportunity to deepen our own spiritual lives and understanding. This is good in and of itself.
But what about the “Christian” part? I believe that Liberal Christianity listens carefully to Jesus and puts his words into the context of his life and ministry. He taught us not to worry about our acceptability to God. Rather, we can be encouraged by that incomprehensible Love to face life’s challenges and to live lives of compassion that are not restricted by unnecessary anxiety.
My mother has been anxious a lot in her life, and I understand where a lot of that has emanated from. But, as I watch her sink into the end stages of life, preparing to embrace death, my faith in eternal Love is bolstered.
I pray not only that her passing can be untroubled, but that I can learn from her example. I’ll need it someday when my own transition comes.
Thanks in advance for your prayers,
Wayne
“No matter who you are or where you are in life’s journey, you’re welcome here.”
The United Church___of Christ
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The Dynamics of Extremism
In my humble opinion, extremism is one of the most pernicious forces in humanity’s journey on this planet. Extremism fuels all forms of social discrimination, fear, hatred, terrorism, and, of course, war. Somehow it’s not effective simply to tell people to stop taking such extreme positions. I think that most extremists truly believe that they are right and anyone who disagrees with their (extreme) position is wrong. Nowhere is extremism more prevalent (and in my opinion, destructive) than in the realm of church and religion. Because we are about to begin the celebration of The Week of Prayer for Christian Unity (January 18 – 25), it seemed appropriate to consider if Healthy Liberal Christianity might be able to shed some light on the problem of extremism.
Let’s begin by examining some of the characteristics of extremism. A quick internet search brought me to an article called Laird Wilcox on Extremist Traits (click on the link to see the full article). He began his article with this quotation from Robert F. Kennedy:
I have selected some of the characteristics Mr. Wilcox enumerates, particularly those that relate more to belief systems than behaviors. If you’re interested, go to the above link for the rest of the list and for his explanations. Remember that these characteristics apply to all extremists, not just to the side that opposes yours.
None of these beliefs promote relationship, communication, or community. In fact, they serve to make people so suspicious of one another that trust and cooperation become impossible. In short, they generate fear and reactivity. Before we get too self righteous, let’s remember that some forms of liberal religion can be just as intolerant as the groups they oppose. Healthy Liberal Christianity, however, emphasizes not just tolerance, but active inquiry into how other people have come to hold their particular beliefs. An attitude of tolerance, at best, only serves to create space for people to “agree to disagree.” Tolerance by itself, however, does not promote loving curiosity, respect, or understanding, qualities that are necessary in any healthy community, or to use Jesus’ term, the Realm of God.
When I lived in Seattle a number of years ago, I heard a public service announcement on the radio: “In Seattle, we don’t tolerate diversity, we celebrate it!” That attitude goes in the right direction as far as I am concerned. It seems consistent with Jesus’ mandate to us that we “love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.” This is not easy, to be sure, but it appears that Jesus thought it a necessary element in the Realm of God.
In my opinion, (and this is not an original thought) there are two primary motivations for human behavior: fear and love. Fear leads to extremism, while love leads to community. If you tell an extremist that he or she is wrong, their level of fear is likely to increase. So, the only way to engage extremism with any real hope of success is to ground your response in love. That’s what Jesus taught, and that must be the heart and soul of Healthy Liberal Christianity if we wish to promote the Realm of God on Earth.
Wayne Gustafson
"No matter who you are, or where you are in life's journey, you're welcome here."
The United Church___of Christ
Let’s begin by examining some of the characteristics of extremism. A quick internet search brought me to an article called Laird Wilcox on Extremist Traits (click on the link to see the full article). He began his article with this quotation from Robert F. Kennedy:
"What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents."
I have selected some of the characteristics Mr. Wilcox enumerates, particularly those that relate more to belief systems than behaviors. If you’re interested, go to the above link for the rest of the list and for his explanations. Remember that these characteristics apply to all extremists, not just to the side that opposes yours.
6. Tendency to view their opponents and critics as essentially evil.
7. Manichaean worldview [all/nothing or right/wrong thinking].
9. Tend to identify themselves in terms of who their enemies are: whom they hate and who hates them.
13. Doomsday thinking.
14. Belief that it's okay to do bad things in the service of a "good" cause.
16. Hypersensitivity and vigilance.
17. Use of supernatural rationale for beliefs and actions.
18. Problems tolerating ambiguity and uncertainty.
21. Extremists often feel that the system is no good unless they win.
None of these beliefs promote relationship, communication, or community. In fact, they serve to make people so suspicious of one another that trust and cooperation become impossible. In short, they generate fear and reactivity. Before we get too self righteous, let’s remember that some forms of liberal religion can be just as intolerant as the groups they oppose. Healthy Liberal Christianity, however, emphasizes not just tolerance, but active inquiry into how other people have come to hold their particular beliefs. An attitude of tolerance, at best, only serves to create space for people to “agree to disagree.” Tolerance by itself, however, does not promote loving curiosity, respect, or understanding, qualities that are necessary in any healthy community, or to use Jesus’ term, the Realm of God.
When I lived in Seattle a number of years ago, I heard a public service announcement on the radio: “In Seattle, we don’t tolerate diversity, we celebrate it!” That attitude goes in the right direction as far as I am concerned. It seems consistent with Jesus’ mandate to us that we “love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.” This is not easy, to be sure, but it appears that Jesus thought it a necessary element in the Realm of God.
In my opinion, (and this is not an original thought) there are two primary motivations for human behavior: fear and love. Fear leads to extremism, while love leads to community. If you tell an extremist that he or she is wrong, their level of fear is likely to increase. So, the only way to engage extremism with any real hope of success is to ground your response in love. That’s what Jesus taught, and that must be the heart and soul of Healthy Liberal Christianity if we wish to promote the Realm of God on Earth.
Wayne Gustafson
"No matter who you are, or where you are in life's journey, you're welcome here."
The United Church___of Christ
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Jesus Presents his Political Platform
I remember a time near the beginning of my ministry, when I thought I was supposed to take the gospel accounts seriously and practically. It seemed to my young and inexperienced mind that if we were to be followers of Jesus, what he had to say should have some impact on the ways we structured society and on the ways we did “business.” Everyone told me how impractical, immature, and idealistic I was. One person even said, “That was a very interesting sermon, Pastor, but you’ll know better when you grow up!”
I have grown up! And I still believe that the Christian Gospel speaks loudly to present conditions, perhaps even more than to eternal rewards or punishments for individual souls.
For a time, it seemed that the liberal wings of American Christianity held the torch for the value of human social and economic conditions. The “Social Gospel” movement early in the 20th Century, championed by Baptist reformer, Walter Rauschenbusch, is the classic example. In recent years, through the work of people like Jim Wallis at Sojourners, for example, there is now emerging a new convergence of liberal and evangelical Christian positions around the practicality of gospel mandates for modern social and economic structures. I think this is very good news.
We have just completed a presidential election campaign and are about to inaugurate Barack Obama to this high office. The news is filled with economic stimulus plans and ideas to shore up the economic well-being of those segments of society that have been losing ground over the last thirty or so years. If we look to the teachings and living examples of Jesus as reported in the New Testament, we discover that he seemed to be more interested in “quality of life” for everyone than he was in simply improving the “standard of living” for the poor. This is a significant distinction. Standard of living has to do with money and the ability to be a consumer of goods and services. (We’ve even been told that the health of the economy depends on consumption.) Standard of living is not unimportant, particularly when there is a great disparity between rich and poor. The “Achilles heel” of Standard of living, however, as the primary measure of well-being is largely dependent on determining how much better off one is than others in the community. You can’t have winners without losers. From the discipline of psychotherapy I have learned that whenever there are winners and losers, relationships inevitably suffer. (I will make an exception for some competitive games where there is very little at risk.) But when one is competing for one’s very livelihood, there is an enormous amount on the line.
Quality of life is quite a different matter. Quality of life is fundamentally relational and it stands at the heart of Jesus’ life and ministry. I have argued in many ways (in blogs, sermons, etc.) that the establishment of “The Realm of God” was Jesus’ primary objective. Those who were only concerned for their own well-being, either in this world or the next, missed the point and therefore missed out. Loving one’s neighbor (and enemy for that matter), challenging social structures that keep the rich even richer and the poor even poorer, being respectful in marriage, avoiding judgments about others (probably because such judgments create the exact situation of winners and losers mentioned above), and trusting that generosity creates relational wealth, not poverty is how the “Realm of God” on Earth must work.
So I guess that Jesus’ stimulus plan could be summed up in a few words from his Sermon on the Mount as found in Matthew 6:
I still try to take this seriously, no matter how difficult it is to live out in modern culture. But, do you think that Jesus could get elected today on that political platform?
Wayne Gustafson
“Our faith is 2000 years old, our thinking is not.”
The United Church___of Christ
I have grown up! And I still believe that the Christian Gospel speaks loudly to present conditions, perhaps even more than to eternal rewards or punishments for individual souls.
For a time, it seemed that the liberal wings of American Christianity held the torch for the value of human social and economic conditions. The “Social Gospel” movement early in the 20th Century, championed by Baptist reformer, Walter Rauschenbusch, is the classic example. In recent years, through the work of people like Jim Wallis at Sojourners, for example, there is now emerging a new convergence of liberal and evangelical Christian positions around the practicality of gospel mandates for modern social and economic structures. I think this is very good news.
We have just completed a presidential election campaign and are about to inaugurate Barack Obama to this high office. The news is filled with economic stimulus plans and ideas to shore up the economic well-being of those segments of society that have been losing ground over the last thirty or so years. If we look to the teachings and living examples of Jesus as reported in the New Testament, we discover that he seemed to be more interested in “quality of life” for everyone than he was in simply improving the “standard of living” for the poor. This is a significant distinction. Standard of living has to do with money and the ability to be a consumer of goods and services. (We’ve even been told that the health of the economy depends on consumption.) Standard of living is not unimportant, particularly when there is a great disparity between rich and poor. The “Achilles heel” of Standard of living, however, as the primary measure of well-being is largely dependent on determining how much better off one is than others in the community. You can’t have winners without losers. From the discipline of psychotherapy I have learned that whenever there are winners and losers, relationships inevitably suffer. (I will make an exception for some competitive games where there is very little at risk.) But when one is competing for one’s very livelihood, there is an enormous amount on the line.
Quality of life is quite a different matter. Quality of life is fundamentally relational and it stands at the heart of Jesus’ life and ministry. I have argued in many ways (in blogs, sermons, etc.) that the establishment of “The Realm of God” was Jesus’ primary objective. Those who were only concerned for their own well-being, either in this world or the next, missed the point and therefore missed out. Loving one’s neighbor (and enemy for that matter), challenging social structures that keep the rich even richer and the poor even poorer, being respectful in marriage, avoiding judgments about others (probably because such judgments create the exact situation of winners and losers mentioned above), and trusting that generosity creates relational wealth, not poverty is how the “Realm of God” on Earth must work.
So I guess that Jesus’ stimulus plan could be summed up in a few words from his Sermon on the Mount as found in Matthew 6:
No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, “What will we eat?” or “What will we drink?” or “What will we wear?” For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
I still try to take this seriously, no matter how difficult it is to live out in modern culture. But, do you think that Jesus could get elected today on that political platform?
Wayne Gustafson
“Our faith is 2000 years old, our thinking is not.”
The United Church___of Christ
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